You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
