So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
