I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
