i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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