why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
