Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
