I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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