youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
