I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
