This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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