He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize