So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
