I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
