I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
