if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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