his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
