Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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