just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I deserve this hangover.
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