Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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