I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
