he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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