Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is Oprah even human
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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