i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
