I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
