When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
