Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
