i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
