matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
