Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
