i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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