I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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