Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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