i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
