You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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