Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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