I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
