i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
