Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
