Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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