I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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