smell my finger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
