I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
