I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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