Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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