respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
