All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
