haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
