just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
