Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
