youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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