shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
