he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
