It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
