I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
