then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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