Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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