You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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