Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
