Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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