My underwear smells like fireworks.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
