I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
