i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
