I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
