A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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