I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
