Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well most of my day revolves around power hour
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
