Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
